Toxic Relationship: How to Identify you are in one

In the context of Yellow September, a month dedicated to raising awareness about mental health, it is important to know if your relationship is toxic. Watch for signs that your partner exhibits behaviors and traits that cause emotional, mental, or even physical harm to those around them. Generally, they tend to display some of the characteristics below:

1.Lies and manipulation: Lying and deceiving are common behaviors among toxic individuals, whether to hide the truth, gain an advantage, or manipulate others. To achieve their goals, they do not hesitate to use manipulation tactics such as guilt and emotional blackmail.


2. Excessive selfishness and lack of empathy: They tend to prioritize their own needs and desires above others, without considering the feelings or interests of others. They often struggle to understand or care about the feelings and needs of others.


3.Criticism, jealousy, and envy: They can be critical and judgmental, frequently highlighting flaws and shortcomings in others. Feelings of envy toward others’ achievements and a desire to undermine others’ success are also common among toxic individuals.


4.Extreme negativity: They tend to have a negative view of life and spread this negativity, affecting the mood and energy of those around them. They often project their negative emotions onto others, using them as a outlet for their frustrations.


5.Drama and victimization: They seem to attract conflicts and create dramatic situations, often for attention or to control others. They may also adopt the role of a victim or martyr to garner sympathy and manipulate others. They frequently avoid taking responsibility for their actions, blaming others or circumstances for their problems.


6.Control and lack of commitment: They may try to isolate their partner from their social circles and exert control over their decisions and relationships. They do not respect boundaries, invading personal space. At the same time, they demonstrate difficulty in committing or cooperating.

However, if in addition to these traits, your partner consistently fails in their financial obligations and possesses an abundance of charm and charisma, you may be dealing with the most toxic of all types: the psychopath. They typically seek partners willing to financially support them. In the specific case of male psychopaths, they gravitate toward surrogate mother figures, resorting to emotional manipulation to win their partners over with behaviors typical of spoiled children. This unconsciously triggers maternal instincts in their partners, encouraging feminine intuition to look beyond the facade of maturity and see “a helpless and whiny baby” in them. Not surprisingly, from the beginning, these relationships tend to revolve around nurturing, caring for, and protecting a “child” who will never grow up. Recognizing female psychopaths is an even more challenging task. For this, I recommend reading my new book, “Cobras de Saias” (Snakes in Skirts).

Distancing oneself from these individuals is the best, and perhaps the only, solution. Their talent for deception and lack of scruples will undoubtedly cause you many problems. After all, what can a relationship based on exploitation and lack of reciprocity bring other than harm?

Thays graduated in Computer Technology from ITA, earned an MBA at INSEAD (France), and worked at the World Bank / IFC (USA). She then changed careers, taking on the role of Director of Career Management at INSEAD (France and Singapore), undergoing training in Coaching (London), NLP (Paris), Psychoanalysis, and Specialization in Neuroscience & Applied Psychology. She was a consultant at Hay Group, A.T. Kearney, and YSC, a leading English consulting firm in executive psychological assessment. She now runs her own Assessment & Coaching consultancy. She is the author of the books “Psychopaths: The Spectrum of Evil” and “Cobras de Saias” (https://thays.sellfy.store).

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